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Post by BC on Jul 15, 2016 19:25:04 GMT
Don't you hate people who answer their own questions? I do.
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Post by BC on Jul 15, 2016 19:25:18 GMT
The Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to become extinct, defunct, superseded, disappeared, exterminated, gone, deceased…
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Post by BC on Jul 15, 2016 19:25:34 GMT
I for one, like Roman numerals.
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Post by BC on Jul 15, 2016 19:25:48 GMT
My mate is a jester but he's out of work at the moment. He's nobody's fool.
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Post by BC on Mar 28, 2017 10:45:17 GMT
I hear reincarnation is making a come back.
_____________________
My book 'How To Say No Emphatically In German' now available - only £9.99!
_____________________
I'm considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?
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Post by BC on Oct 16, 2018 23:51:47 GMT
Is it true that fishermen put maggots in their mouths in order to warm them up? Awaiting a reply with baited breath.
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Post by BC on Oct 17, 2018 21:53:40 GMT
The woman who fell from the cruise ship has been named as Eileen Dover.
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Post by BC on Oct 18, 2018 23:38:18 GMT
I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there... he said it was Narnia business.
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Post by BC on Oct 29, 2018 19:52:14 GMT
My wife said "you weren't even listening were you?" I thought "that's a pretty weird way to start a conversation".
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Post by BC on Oct 30, 2018 23:38:25 GMT
I was addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I turned myself around. And that's what it's all about.
Alternatively...
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey", died peacefully aged 83. The funeral will take place just as soon as they can get him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started...
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Post by Kimmy on Oct 31, 2018 10:53:22 GMT
The worlds champion tongue twister has been killed in a motorway accident. He was hit by a red lorry yellow lorry red lorry yellow lorry.
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Post by BC on Oct 31, 2018 22:32:00 GMT
Good one KP. 
Why did Star Wars produce episodes 4, 5 and 6 before episodes 1, 2 and 3? Because in charge of planning Yoda was.  |
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Post by BC on Nov 12, 2018 17:57:30 GMT
Sing along now...
He's checking it once, he's checking it twice, Santa Claus is in contravention of Article 14 of the General Data Protection Regulation.
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Post by BC on Dec 19, 2018 13:15:11 GMT
I spent last night defrosting the fridge. Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
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Post by BC on Jan 11, 2019 21:49:29 GMT
How did I end up in hospital? Well, my wife asked what was on the television and I replied, "dust".
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Post by BC on Jan 16, 2019 20:35:21 GMT
People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a particularly good electrician.
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Post by BC on Jan 17, 2019 16:17:49 GMT
My first job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
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Post by BC on Jan 20, 2019 19:26:04 GMT
A few I've nicked from Facebook recently... - Ban pre-shredded cheese - make Britain grate again.
- Mountains aren't just funny, they're hill areas.
- Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.
- Turning vegan would be a big missed steak.
- I bought shoes with memory foam insoles - no more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen!
And my favourite - sing along to this one with Dean Martin: - When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a Moray.
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Post by BC on Jan 24, 2019 0:44:55 GMT
Don't let anyone call you average. That's just mean.
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Post by BC on Jan 26, 2019 15:36:19 GMT
Cows have hooves because they lactose.
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Post by BC on Jan 29, 2019 16:21:00 GMT
If I jumped off one of the bridges in Paris, would I be in Seine?
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Post by BC on Jan 29, 2019 21:14:01 GMT
I got mugged by six dwarves last night... not Happy.
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Post by BC on Jan 31, 2019 16:01:11 GMT
It's so cold outside. I saw a politician today with his hands in his own pockets.
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Post by BC on Feb 2, 2019 17:07:28 GMT
Two more for the pot...
I was at a really emotional wedding this week - even the cake was in tiers.
Good news: the man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
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Post by BC on Feb 4, 2019 12:34:22 GMT
Another cracker from Facebook...
I have a chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
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Post by BC on Feb 9, 2019 19:24:05 GMT
My racehorse is called "Laxative". He always gives me a good run for my money.
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Post by BC on Feb 16, 2019 9:55:29 GMT
I sued the airline for losing my luggage, but I lost my case.
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Post by BC on Feb 22, 2019 20:08:27 GMT
Huge fight at seafood restaurant. Battered fish everywhere.
I joined a support group for anti-social people. We haven't met yet.
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Post by BC on Feb 23, 2019 22:51:04 GMT
Pun enters a room and kills ten people. Pun in, ten dead.
Camelids are taking over the world. It's Llamageddon and the Alpacalypse.
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
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Post by BC on Mar 11, 2019 1:24:22 GMT
You come from dust. You will return to dust. That's why I don't dust. It might be someone I know.
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