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Post by Kimmy on Mar 24, 2009 10:18:12 GMT
Beaten in a photo finish.  |
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 24, 2009 10:19:51 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 24, 2009 10:21:56 GMT
Grab a granny night.  |
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 24, 2009 10:23:33 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:40:38 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:41:11 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:42:01 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:42:33 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:44:03 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:45:02 GMT
An old man went to see the doc with a problem.
'Doc, I just married this much younger woman, and I'm finding it hard to make love to her every night.'
The doc thinks a little then says 'OK. Make love one night, then skip a couple, then try again. Should work fine.'
The man goes off happy, but a few weeks later the doc is surprised to be invited to his funeral. He gets the man's brother to one side and asks him 'Not sure how to put this, but was it, uh, the sex that finished him off?'
The brother says 'No... it was the skipping!'
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:46:48 GMT
I haven't had sex in so long that I've fogotten where I put the handcuffs.  |
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:47:41 GMT
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:48:38 GMT
Two elderly women were walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later, the first women said, "Gracious! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?" The second woman replied, "Yes, I was absolutely shocked. How can they display such a thing? The penis was so large!" The first old lady accidentally blurted out, "And cold, too!"
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 26, 2009 10:51:36 GMT
An elderly couple go to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."
The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife. "How're you feeling?" he asks. "I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain." The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well.
One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?" "Oh No," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again."
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 27, 2009 21:45:49 GMT
If God Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees.  |
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:21:29 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:22:11 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:23:31 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:24:37 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:27:08 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:30:55 GMT
"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:32:33 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 12:33:37 GMT
One for Mitzi.  |
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 18:56:36 GMT
Don't look at this if you are screemish. Don't pick your nose.  |
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 18:58:06 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 19:00:08 GMT
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 19:03:01 GMT
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 19:05:52 GMT
One day a little boy walked in on his parents doing it and asked what they were doing.
The parents' reply was that they were making fish sticks.
So the little boy left it at that.
A few nights later the little boy walks in on them again, and this time he asks, "Are you making fish sticks again?"
The parents both reply yes.
The boy remarks, "Well, mom, you have a little tartar sauce on your mouth."
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 19:07:45 GMT
There was this really old guy at a dance who hadn't had any sex
for a long time. He'd been dancing with the grandmas all night,
but he still hadn't scored.
Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said,
"Listen, I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming
back to my place? I'll give you £20 if you oblige!"
"I'm willing, let's go," she said.
They arrived back at his place, and after a bit of foreplay,
they headed for the bedroom. The old guy loved the sex and couldn't
get over how tight the grandma was for such an old woman.
Surely she's got to be a virgin.
After the wonderful performance, he rolled over and said,
"Wow! Lady, if I had known you were a virgin, I would have
given you £50".
Surprised, she replied, "If I had known you were actually going
to get an erection, I would have taken off my tights!"
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 28, 2009 19:08:16 GMT
A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for a vibrator.
The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said, "Come this way."
The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!"
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