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Post by Kimmy on Mar 29, 2009 10:22:07 GMT
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.' The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog..
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
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Post by banger on Mar 29, 2009 17:11:45 GMT
I gave my life to learning how to live. Now that I have organized it all... It is just about over. ~Sandra Hochman
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Post by Kimmy on Mar 30, 2009 11:05:19 GMT
Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. ~Author Unknown
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Post by banger on Mar 30, 2009 12:27:55 GMT
When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses. ~Joyce Brothers
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Post by banger on Mar 30, 2009 19:05:38 GMT
Three Finger Crash Anonymous Don't you wish when life is bad and things just don't compute, That all we really had to do was stop and hit reboot?
Things would all turn out ok, life could be so sweet If we had those special keys Ctrl-and Alt Delete
Your boss is mad, your bills not paid your wife, well she's just mute. Just stop and hit those wonderful keys that make it all reboot.
You'd like to have another job, you fear living in the street? You solve it all and start anew with Ctrl and Alt Delete
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Post by banger on Mar 30, 2009 21:54:52 GMT
I Can't Remember Anonymous Just a line to say I'm living that I'm not among the dead, Though I'm getting more forgetful and mixed up in my head
I got used to my arthritis to my dentures I'm resigned, I can manage my bifocals but God, I miss my mind
For sometimes I can't remember when I stand at the foot of the stairs, If I must go up for something or have I just come down from there?
And before the fridge so often my poor mind is filled with doubt, Have I just put food away, or have I come to take some out?
And there's a time when it is dark with my nightcap on my head, I don't know if I'm retiring, or just getting out of bed
So, if it's my turn to write you there's no need for getting sore, I may think I have written and don't want to be a bore
So, remember that I love you and wish that you were near, But now it's nearly mail time So I must say goodbye, dear
There I stand beside the mail box with a face so very red, Instead of mailing you my letter I opened it instead
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Post by banger on Mar 30, 2009 22:02:55 GMT
I quote others only in order the better to express myself. ~Michel De Montaigne
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 1, 2009 12:07:30 GMT
The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson
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Post by banger on Apr 1, 2009 13:55:19 GMT
Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. ~Lillian Dickson
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Post by banger on Apr 4, 2009 20:37:52 GMT
No wife can endure a gambling husband, unless he is a steady winner. ~Thomas Robert Dewar
The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil. ~Heywood Broun
If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. ~Chinese Proverb
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Post by banger on Apr 5, 2009 17:19:28 GMT
You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. ~Leo Aikman
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 5, 2009 18:47:18 GMT
While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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Post by banger on Apr 6, 2009 17:54:34 GMT
To sensible men, every day is a day of reckoning. ~John W. Gardner
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 6, 2009 18:25:24 GMT
The difference between a helping hand and an outstretched palm is a twist of the wrist. ~Laurence Leamer, King of the Night
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Post by BC on Apr 6, 2009 20:07:01 GMT
“If you are going through hell, keep going” ~ Winston Churchill
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step” ~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
"Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way" ~ General George S. Patton Jr.
"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory" ~ General George S. Patton Jr.
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Post by banger on Apr 8, 2009 11:53:59 GMT
I looked back on the old site and found this Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 11:30 am Post subject: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? Only today the tics have changed into vampires _________________
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:33:38 GMT
Charity sees the need, not the cause. ~German Proverb
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:35:42 GMT
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:36:03 GMT
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:36:18 GMT
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:36:38 GMT
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:36:57 GMT
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:37:16 GMT
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 9:37:32 GMT
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 10:54:14 GMT
A trip down memory lane for you.?
How's This For Nostalgia? All the girls had 'ugly' gym slips
It took five minutes for the TV to warm up
Nearly everyone's Mum was at home when the kids got home from school
Nobody owned a thoroughbred dog
When 3d was a decent allowance
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny
Your Mother wore nylons that came in two pieces
All your male teachers wore ties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels
You got your windscreen cleaned, oil checked, and petrol served, without asking, all for free, every time.. And you didn't pay for air. And, you got trading stamps to boot
Washing Powder had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents
They threatened to keep children back a year if they failed. .. . and they did it!
When a Ford Zephyr was everyone's dream car...
and people went steady
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '
Playing cricket with no adults to help the children with the rules of the game
Bottles came from the corner shop without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger. And wen you took them back you got 3d.
And with all our progress, don't you wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savour the slower pace, and share it with the children of today.
When being sent to the head's study was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
As well as summers filled with bike rides, cricket, Hula Hoops, skate hockey and visits to the pool, and eating lemonade powder or liquorice sticks. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yes, I remember that'?
Still remember Mr Pastry, 6.5 Special, The Army Game , Sunday Night at the London Palladium, Emergency Ward 10, the Lone Ranger, Hancock's Half hour, Trigger and Sgt Bilko
How Many Of These Do You Remember?
Sweet cigarettes.
Coca Cola in bottles.
You're never alone with a Strand .
Coffee shops with Table Side Jukeboxes.
Blackjacks and bubble gums.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with tinfoil tops.
Newsreels before the film.
Pathe News.
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...( Mayfair 3489). Party lines.
Peashooters.
Andy Pandy.
Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.
78 RPM records!
Green Shield Stamps.
Adding Machines.
Scalextric.
Do You Remember a Time When..
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'? 'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest? Catching tiddlers could happily occupy an entire day?
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was'chickenpox'?
Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a catapault?
Saturday morning television wasn't 30-minute commercials for action figures?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles? The Worst Embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Cigarette cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange - flavoured chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
Stink bombs.
Salt bags in a packet of crisps.
Playing marbles.
Whip and top.
Scimming fag packets.
Knocking on doors and running off.
Bat in the coal.
Fixed wheeled bikes.
Chewing wood.
Camp coffee.
Lemonade delivered to your door.
Cap guns.
Cap bombs.
If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 9, 2009 18:13:13 GMT
Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time. ~Martin Luther
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 10, 2009 11:13:18 GMT
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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Post by Kimmy on Apr 11, 2009 10:39:16 GMT
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
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Post by banger on Apr 11, 2009 15:56:16 GMT
A Wife's Prayer
Dear Lord,
Help me to be the kind of wife you want me to be.
Help me not to take my role as wife lightly or take my husband's love for granted.
Help me to be a good listener, giving my husband my full attention so that I will be well aware of his concerns, aspirations, and needs.
Help me to pay attention to the advice my husband gives me when he brings things to my attention that I may be doing wrong or that I could be doing better.
Help me to be more anxious to please my husband than to have my own way.
Help me to be aware of the things that I do that upset my dear husband - and enable me not to keep doing them - so that I will not be causing unnecessary problems in our relationship.
Help me to remember that I am commanded to submit to my husband's role as head of the house even if he fails to faithfully submit to the headship of Christ.
Help me to treat my husband better than when we were first met and remind me of the importance of spending quality time alone with him and of doing things to remind him of how special he is to me.
Help me not to jump to conclusions about my husband's motives and enable me to think the best of him at all times.
Help me to apologize and set things straight when I complain, falsely accuse, act selfishly, or say unkind or provoking words.
Help me to go out of my way to complement him and to encourage him.
Help me to be a proper example of what a loving, considerate, caring, and self-sacrificing wife should be.
Help me to realize that it is my job to be an example of a mature and godly wife and not an example of a disrespectful and selfish child.
Help me to be joyful in spite of my circumstances and help me to avoid whining and complaining when things do not go my way.
Help me to admit my faults, to apologize when I am wrong, and to be anxious to heal wounds that I may have caused in my relationship to my husband.
Help me to realize that is far better to get my husband to do things I want him to do because he loves me and not because I nag him.
Help me to never forget that You gave me my husband to be a helpmate and best friend and may I never think of him as an adversary or a hindrance.
Help me to show my children how much I respect and love their father by my actions and by the words out of my mouth.
Help me not to be afraid to be affectionate and loving towards my husband in front of my children so that they will know how to be good spouses when they grow up.
Help me to support my husband in the proper administration of discipline to our children so they are not a burden or a grief to my husband.
Help me to show my children that my husband is truly my very best friend and a highly trusted partner in the ministry of our family.
Make me the kind of wife who my husband will never regret having married and even more than that, make me the kind of wife who is a joy for my husband to be around and who my husband will be proud to call his wife, a woman who honors him and who honors Christ.
Amen.
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Post by banger on Apr 11, 2009 19:38:28 GMT
You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want. - Zig Ziglar
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